The Force of Change

Funny how just listening to a song can totally take you back, take you out of reality and into another place and time when things were totally different. Not necessarily better, just different. A high school crush, a college summer, a first date, a difficult time in your life, or a moment of clarity. I find that so many of my memories are tied to songs, and when I hear them, I am literally transported as if in a time machine, and start to feel things, think things, and wonder about things. I trust God, and I see how His hand has been at work all my life in all things, and when I hear certain songs it makes me wonder at all I've been through, how faithful He has been, and how much things have changed. Sometimes I find myself longing for past times, when things were easier or more simple, or when things made more sense. I think about when I first fell in love, or when relationships were in the beginning stages, or when friends came and went...and I am struck by the force of change. Change can be subtle, slinking its way into your life a little at a time without you even realizing it until you look back and realize how far you've come..or it can come crashing in like a hurricane, turning everything upside down and rearranging all your plans. I can't decide which I prefer. At least in a hurricane, you know things are going to change and you can maybe prepare or at least do damage control (and it doesn't catch you off guard), but with gradual change, it sneaks up on you (and personally, I CANNOT STAND IT when people or things sneak up on and startle me), and you really are kind of helpless and just have to go with it. I guess each equally brings change, so it doesn't really matter.

Divorce sucks. That's one kind of change that is just really awful no matter how you look at it. Granted, I trust that God will do something good with it and bring healing and show His faithfulness throughout it (because that's just what he does), but that doesn't make it easier in the moment. I've seen the 2 couples I love most divorce and it breaks my heart. My mom is still dealing with repercussions years later, and I can only pray that my sister will heal more quickly and with less pain. And I pray God's protection over the children. It just sucks. Throughout it all, I'm thankful that God is in control as always. And even though not everything makes sense at the time, just like any change, one day we'll all look back and it will be clear.

Speaking of change, I am tired of friends who come and go. Just stay. Be loyal, authentic, and honest. Or leave because you choose to, but don't blame me.

I can't quite figure out how I have managed to talk about the change I want to see in my life for the past year and a half, but have yet to do anything about it. I have truly felt inspired, energized, and encouraged, with inspiration to do things differently, and just live differently, but have managed to remain in my comfort zone. Well it's not good enough for me. I have to be the person I want to be now. No more excuses. I want change to take over. I am ready.