Well, I had a breakdown last night. It's only the first week of classes and my internship and I am already in a place where I am so unbelievably stressed out and overwhelmed with things to do that I feel like there's no way I can get it all done. It's really a depressing place to be because I am obviously only human, but I feel like between teaching an undergraduate class, 4 weekly staff meetings, 20 hours of work at my graduate assistantship, 20 hours at my internship seeing clients and keeping up with case notes, taking 4 classes, reading 6 textbooks and about 15 articles, doing about 7 projects, and seeing clients at the community clinic on campus, I really think I may just collapse. There has been more than one day this week when I've considered just giving up since it's not humanly possible for me to get everything done anyways. I started in this program being so passionate about it and my career as a Marriage and Family Therapist, but I feel like over the past few months I've just been attacked or something...and then I realized why.
About 3 months ago, I had a conversation with my advisor (and since then I've shared with others as well) about the strong calling and passion I feel toward Christian counseling. It was really difficult for me because since this is not a Christian university, I was very unsure of the response I would receive. And while I was affirmed and encouraged in my path, I am starting to realize that all the little, stressful, frustrating things that have been happening since then are the work of Satan. Last night (after too many tears and a diet coke) I texted the strongest women in my life: my mom, grandmother, 2 sisters, and my best friend from college, to ask for prayer and encouragement and told them how I was feeling. Talk about support and love and prayer! I started feeling the effects of their prayers not 15 mintues later! God is so faithful!
Not only that, but my best friend from college, Katie, called me and talked me through things and offered wonderful words of encouragement and promised to pray for me. Then, my grandmother texted me back some things that I really needed to hear about how God has called me according to his plan to reach families for His name and that Satan is trying to do everything he can to stop that, because he knows my potential. I was so encouraged.
There are still moments where I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or I lose sight of the prize, but I have to keep trusting in God's plan, knowing that he has plans to prosper me, and that he will use me for his glory if I surrender my life fully to him. There is no need to worry. God will always take care of me. Even when I break down, crying like a fool while I fold my laundry (because just simply crying would be unproductive).
