Different but Good

This Thanksgiving season is different from so many others. But it has been just as good. One of the things that I love so much about my Savior and Heavenly Father is His faithfulness. No matter what I am going through or how I’m feeling, His promises hold true and solid, like a bulwark in the middle of a hurricane; a fortress in the middle of a raging war.

Recently I’ve been challenging myself to be thankful despite my emotions and circumstances, and I believe that God has led me to these verses as a result of that. I hope they bring comfort and hope for anyone who might be reading this.

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him.” –Isaiah 30:18

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” -2 Corinthians 4: 16-17

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord…though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.” –Lamentation 3:21-26; 32

There is something about the word of God that brings such comfort and perspective to me no matter what is going on around me. I always have a reason to give thanks. Not just because it is Thanksgiving, but because He has made me promises that He will honor, because my God never fails.

Backpedaling

Let me preface this entry by saying this: No amount of hard times, struggles, or heartache can separate me (or anyone) from God's love or take away the peace He offers despite all that. He is good. Period.

Now, the the human side of me that is often weak and lacks perspective speaks.
I am struggling. Plain and simple. I mean I know no one expects me to be happy or even strong right now, which is good because I'm obviously neither, but the problem is that I expect that of myself. I keep telling myself that by now, I should be over this, or at least on my way. I feel like I did everything backwards. I had such a peace at the beginning, and knew for a fact that I was in the right place and in God's will (and I still feel both of those things now), but I wasn't experiencing the extreme feelings of loss and sadness that I am now. Maybe I was in shock. Maybe it hadn't sunk in yet and it took almost 2 months for me to realize that after 6 years of being with the person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, I really am alone. I have to start over.

There are so many mixed feelings. So much bittersweet-ness. I could spend hours, days, and weeks thinking about all the what if's, the why's, or the if only's, but that's not helpful or healthy. The only thing that eases any of this is the knowledge that is ingrained so deeply in my soul that I am never alone. Maybe physically, but never spiritually or emotionally. I have a Savior who not only understands what I am feeling, but who also has compassion on me and cares about my questions, doubts, hurts, fears, and loneliness. He is right by my side for every bit of it, and when I am too weak to carry on, He carries me. There is always hope. Always a promise.
I have no hard feelings, no anger. Some questions and a few wonderings maybe, but overall, I can look back and smile. And I know that in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, I will look back and everything will make sense. God is at work, and He is the Great Healer. He has taught me so much, and it amazes me that even as I write this, He has removed my sadness and replaced it with hope and peace. Sure, I'll have lots of good days and bad days for a while, but hope tells me that this time of refining will not be for nothing. Just as any metal must become hot and melt before the finished product can emerge, I must go through the fire in order to be molded into the woman I am meant to be. In the meantime I will trust in His faithfulness and never-ending goodness, for He is the only One who will never fail me.