Discipline So Sweet

As an adult, when I look back on my childhood, I remember vividly the punishment and discipline that awaited us 4 kids when we broke any of the rules in our house. At the time, the rules made sense to me, but not all of them were things I was fond of- and some I thought were unfair. But now, as I reflect on those times, I am SO thankful for the lessons I learned from those punishments. I have texted my mom multiple times since I have been out of the house, just to thank her for teaching me how to do things like be respectful to authorities, wipe off a kitchen counter, properly clean a bathroom, etc. I hated doing those things when I was younger, but now I realize it was all for my own good (as cliche as that sounds, unfortunately it's true).

It's the same exact way with God. The other day, my mom drove up to spend the day with me because I was going through a rough time, and needed support. It was just what the doctor ordered. My mom knows just about everything about me, and we have gotten much closer over the past couple of years. As I was pouring out my heart to her, she, like a mother does, was brutally honest with me. She said that she feared that I might be reaping the consequences of my sin. I initially got defensive and fought this, talking (through my tears) about God's love and mercy towards us. She, also like a mother does, reminded me of things that are best for me. She talked about God's love, but also about his righteousness, and how as his children, we must learn that discipline comes when repentance does not flow freely from our mouths.
Sparing you the details of both my sin and my punishment, let's just say I had a lot to think about.

Today, as I was reading my Bible, I ran across Hebrews chapter 12. Here's the part that struck me the most, causing tears mixed with remorse and joy to well up:
5..."'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.' It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline..." and then jump down to verse 10 "For they [fathers] disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He [God] disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. 12 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

I found myself awe-struck, so completely stricken by remorse for my sins, but also surprisingly speechless in the face of such goodness that is our Father. How much he cares for me to allow me to reap the consequences of my sins so that I can find my way back to Him! He does not force me, but gently leads me, and teaches me valuable lessons along the way. What grace!!! God doesn't give us rules to hurt us, but to protect us...the same reason he disciplines us-- out of love. Even when it seems like he's asking too much, "everyone else is doing it," or we just plain don't want to do it, keep in mind that His eye is on the sparrow, and he sees all you do. Yes he is loving, but he is also just. And I am so thankful that he is! We are so privileged to be treated as God's sons and daughters! 

Discipline so hard
Discipline so sweet
Shows me just how loving You are,
How much You care about me.
Like the rules in my parents' home,
Yours are meant to keep me from harm.
So no matter how far I roam,
They warn me just like an alarm.
It's a hard lesson to learn-
That punishment equals love,
But once I gather the nerve to return,
I find You rejoicing from above.
Your child that was once long gone
Now finds herself at Your feet.
Broken, ashamed, barely breathing at dawn,
You draw my gaze upward for Yours to meet.
There is love in Your eyes
And patience in Your gaze.
I realize as You beckon me to rise,
That Your Discipline Your love displays.

Patience

I find myself in yet another stage of waiting. I feel like I've been waiting for things my entire life. I don't want to be the type of person who doesn't enjoy their experiences in life and is always waiting for the next good thing. I do enjoy things...I have been blessed with so much and so many good things in my life- but it seems like I am forever in a transition stage. Now that I have graduated with my Master's (whoa, right?!), all I want is to have my own place, a full time permanent job, and a decent income that I can live off of on my own. I guess that sounds like a lot when I put it all down like that, and it's honestly probably too much too be asking for all at once. What makes it hard is that I know I serve a God who is capable of not just those things, but even more. Problem is (and it's not really a problem-it just seems like one from my limited, human perspective) those things only happen in His timing. And unfortunately I am probably one of the most impatient people He created. And He knows that, since He formed me and knows even more about me than I do, which is why He keeps giving me opportunities to be patient. But I keep failing.

I read a quote today that said "Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you're waiting." Blow my mind. That is so true. I never thought of it like that. As Christians, God constantly gives us opportunities to reflect Christ in all we do and to be an example to others during hard times. It's easy to be a good witness and show the love of Christ when things are easy and everything is going your way. It's when things don't go your way, when you are confused, doubtful and scared that people are watching the most. Those are our opportunities to let Christ shine through us the most.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. I would rather have a life full of troubles and hard times with some mountaintops mixed in than a life full of good things, because at least if you have hard times it makes you appreciate the good times even more. There are so many people that I observe in my life that seem to have it all together- everything is figured out and running smoothly. They haven't had to experience much of anything "difficult" except for maybe a broken heart once or twice. That's good for them, but when I look back over my life, while it's been better than many people's lives in this world, it hasn't looked a thing like that. It hasn't been a fairy tale, and there have been a good number of moments where I wanted to give up and give in. But keeping my faith, praying continually, and trusting God has brought me closer to Him and has taught me more than I could've ever dreamed.
I don't know where I'm going to be living or working this time next month, or what my life will look like. Yes, that is terrifying if I let myself focus on just that. But, it is also exciting and energizing because it means that the opportunities are endless. It also means that I have a perfect opportunity to surrender to my God's plan that he promises to perfect and carry on to completion (Phil. 1:6).