morning musings

Just a few things on my mind this morning:
1. I LOVE space heaters. I would literally freeze to death in this office every single day if I didn't have one at my feet.
2. I love summer. so much. It's full of the lake, the pool, friends, family, sunshine, lots of good food, cold drinks, coozies, days off, camping, hiking, swimming, laying out, evening walks, morning runs, and tan lines. It's just simply the best. And anyone who says they like winter better is seriously deranged.
3. Boys who still act like children do not deserve the love of woman who doesn't hold anything back. (no this is not about me, I'm venting on behalf of a friend). If you are a male and you have the strong, unwavering, trusting, caring, and undeserved love of a woman, you need to man up and stop acting like a child. If you can't treat her the way she deserves, then let her go so she can find someone who will. There's nothing I hate more in this world than seeing my friends mistreated by guys who are all perfect at first and then turn out to be a jerk just like so many others before. So many of my friends look at my relationship and tell me that they are jealous or they wish they could find a guy who treats them like Jake treats me. Well, my secret is that I didn't settle. I had plenty of chances but I knew God had something better in store for me, so I waited. And trust me, it was WELL worth it. I'm not sure where guys get the idea that they are allowed to do whatever they want and not think about how it makes others feel. When you hurt one of my friends...watch your back. That's all I'm saying.
4. I am going camping this weekend with my mom, my sister and her boyfriend, Jake, and my niece Savannah. I absolutely cannot wait!! I love camping. wooohooo!
5. Tonight is the last night of my pre-summer session night class...PTL! We have been going 4 nights a week for 3 hours at a time for the last 3 weeks...I'm so ready for it to be over! Yay so close!
6. I am so blessed. I'm sure I could find things to complain about or things that go wrong every now and then, but in all honesty, I have been blessed beyond comprehension, and I have a God who loves me more than life itself (literally, because He died for me!). I have an amazing family, and a few close friends whom I love so much. I have the hope of  a prosperous future and of heaven everlasting in my heart, and I don't have to worry about anything because my God has already won the victory, and sin has no mastery over me! Talk about blessed and having a reason to rejoice!! :)
♥

No Regrets

There are so many things in this world that fill up our time, make us busy, and demand our attention. It seems like I can never get ahead, and even when I do I know I have more work coming my way soon. We all long for a time or season to be able to do whatever we want and not have to worry about responsibility (or at least I do!). Even when I get a day off during the week I usually use it for cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, and grocery shopping. Although, I have to admit, I don't hate that. That's what I did yesterday and I found myself wondering if I should just drop out of grad school and become a housewife :) haha ok let's be honest I'm not going to do that, but there are days when all I really want is to serve God and not have to worry about school or work. I found myself thinking last night that I don't want to look back on my life in 5, 10, 20 or 30 years and regret the way I spent my time. I don't want to wish that I had spent more time pursuing God and drawing closer to Him. I want that to be my focus now, so I don't have regrets. When this world ends and I am taken up to heaven to meet my Jesus face to face, I don't want to have to explain why I spent my time pursuing earthly pleasures and worried so much about  money and work and relationships when I should have had my focus on Him alone.

I don't know about you, but I love Carrie Underwood. How could you not? She's got it all. And she sings this one song, Wasted, that really relates to what I'm saying. Part of the lyrics are as follows:
I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waitin'
To wake up one day to find
That I let all these years go by, wasted

Where is your focus? What are you working towards, fighting for, and striving towards? It's okay to work for other things in our jobs and at school and in our families, but when those things start to come before God and replace our time and fellowship with Him, then we know our priorities are out of whack.

We are not on this earth for us. God didn't create us so that we could get great jobs, earn lots of money, and get lots of stuff. We are here for Him. We are HIS. Don't waste the time He has granted you.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

Blessings

So today I realized that it's been a while since I've posted any kind of update or any pictures that have to do with what's going on in my life...so I think it's time for that :) This isn't really in order, but just some of the happenings that have taken place since last time I updated with pictures, which was about a year ago!! The past year has been an absolute whirlwind, with graduate school, 2 jobs, an internship, friends, family, Jake, homework, bills, laundry, and cleaning...but I've had so much fun :)

 Me and my girls have spent a ton of time together, going here and there and just being crazy :) I love them and am so thankful to have met them at work, and that we are still friends and hang out, even though I no longer work with them. They are so much fun, and I love them so much!

 I have gotten to spend a lot more time with my family within the last couple of months, even thought they're still an hour and a half away...and my brother is still in Wyoming!! He'll be there for a while still, and to tell the truth I'm not sure when he'll be back in this area! :(  The more time that goes by that I'm not around my family very much, the more thankful I am for them for their love, support, and care for me, no matter what I'm going through. I honestly have the best family anyone could ask for, even though they are a bit dysfunctional at times (but then again, whose family is normal? haha). They are the reason I am who I am today ♥

I got to go to Atlanta last month and see my best friend from college, Katie. She is married now and working as a nurse there, and I hadn't seen her since CN's homecoming last October, even though we talk just about every other day. I miss her so much and it was SO good to get to see her and catch up and just have girl time :) She has been such a constant support and friend for me since we started living together freshman year of college, in August of 2007!

Jake and I have been SO blessed to not only live in the same town now for the past year, but also to have the security of at least the next year to be here. He is working at ETSU in the athletic department, and will be there until at least next July, and I finish school next May, so it works perfect! Neither of us know what the future holds, and we're trying to just wait and trust in God's timing, but for now we're just glad not to have to do long distance anymore :) He is so good to me, and I definitely don't deserve him, but I'm glad I found him! I've decided not to rush the future, but just to enjoy life and take things as they come. God is in control anyways, and I might as well just rest in His arms.

Savannah and Jackson, my precious niece and nephew, are as adorable as ever! Of course I am biased because I am their aunt, but let's be honest, look at their precious faces! It makes me sad that I don't live closer to them, but I get by on the many pictures that my sister posts, so I at least feel like I'm there. They light up my life so much and I am so thankful for them. Our family has been going through some rough times lately, and have been forced to trust God more than ever, because it really has come to a point where He's our only hope. It's extremely difficult not knowing what the future holds for any of us, but I guess that's the beauty of life...trusting God to lead you through and to guide you towards him, even through the storm.

"Marriage Doesn't Solve Your Problems"

Just so everyone knows...I found this article via Pinterest, and it's not mine. I copied it onto my blog and the woman's name and credentials are at the end. It is definitely worth the read. Such truth!

Why identity and purpose aren’t dependent on a spouse.

With all the mixed messages our world offers us about love and relationships, sometimes it's hard to imagine marriage accurately from the perspective of a single young adult. Even with all the chaos modeled in modern-day marriages all around us and the national divorce rate consistently hovering at 50 percent (with only 50 percent of those who remain married reporting that they are happy in their marriage), somehow the idea of marriage still gets idolized beyond reasonable expectations. Everyone believes their marriage will be different, looking to Hollywood dreams and fairy tale romances as their example. 

I meet with singles in my counseling practice and get emails from all over the world from young adults looking for love. They long to be married and have an insatiable desire inside their hearts to meet the significant other they can finally call "the one." It makes sense that the topic of love is such a universal obsession. God created love and has placed the desire to be loved unconditionally within each of our hearts. Marriage is a natural overflow of that desire.     

Yet within this sacred and natural pursuit of marriage, it's easy to fall into the lie that finding a spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction. That all problems, fears and deficits will fade away in the presence of true love. While this may be true of God's love, let me remind you it isn't true in the world of marriage. 

There is no doubt marriage is a great blessing and that those who find a good spouse have truly found a great gift (Proverbs 18:22). Having been married for five years, I can wholeheartedly say that marriage has enriched my life in so many ways. Yet for all the things that it has done to enhance my life and stretch my love, there are still some things it will never be able to do.

Marriage doesn't erase your insecurities.

I'm not sure why young singles ever believe that it would. For some reason, the idea of being loved unconditionally by another human being sounds like it would do the trick in helping us feel better about ourselves. We fall into the belief that being married and seeing ourselves loved through the eyes of another will really teach us how to love ourselves. Wrong. So very wrong.

That way of thinking has done more harm than good to many a marriage in our world. No one has the power to deal with our inadequacies and insecurities but us. Putting those types of expectations on a spouse will only cause harm, because there is a 100 percent chance they can't change how we view ourselves.

No matter how much encouragement, affection, affirmation and validation you receive from your spouse, true security comes when you choose to see yourself through the eyes of God, not through the eyes of your significant other (or anyone else, for that matter). Relying on your spouse to fill those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster—because no one human being has the capacity to offer you what is needed for true value and self worth. That can only come from within. True security comes from the intimacy of your relationship with God, and whatever praises and encouragement you receive outside of that are simply overflow. 

Marriage can't give you purpose.

One thing I noticed while attending a Christian college was the all-consuming search of young adults who were out to fulfill one mission in life: find a godly spouse. Don't get me wrong. I personally was on the lookout, too. But there was something behind the drive of these young people that really disturbed me. Their sole purpose in life was to catch a mate. Some of the girls even joked they were there to get their "M-R-S" degree.

Something has gone terribly wrong when young Christians believe their sole purpose in life is to find marital love. This belief is dangerous; it robs us of true joy and real purpose in life. True purpose is eternal and can never be taken away. The Bible encourages us to live this life for God's glory, to love Him and to love others in an attempt to leave His fingerprints all across this world. We are each made for a unique reason and design that may include marriage but goes far beyond its scope. Though marriage can be an incredible gift, it is a means to the end, not the end itself.

When we see relationships as the last step on our road of purpose, we find ourselves facing a wall of disappointment with nowhere left to go when we finally arrive. Marriage may be an avenue in fulfilling our purpose, but it is never the final destination. We need to seek God's purpose for our lives far beyond finding a spouse, allowing His will and His plans to be the course that guides our lives and influences our direction. Rather than asking what God can do for us, we need to look to Him in seeking what we can do for Him. In this is true purpose. And who knows? We might just run into a spouse along the way—this one I can personally vouch for—but purpose is not dependent on this possibility.

Marriage won't make you whole.

I remember watching a Beth Moore video in which she used the analogy of a cup in assessing the heart of a Christian. It’s a fitting analogy, because our emotional worlds are certainly like cups. We either feel filled or empty throughout our lives.

One thing I observe when working with young adults is that some of them have a tendency to live their lives “half-full,” not really knowing who they are, not really taking time to understand their needs. They neglect the chance to deal with their problems, habits and hang-ups, and instead seek out relationships in hopes that those relationships will fill them up and make them whole. They bring their wounds to relationships for bandaging, not realizing that two broken and wounded people cannot be the source of healing for one another.   

Marriage can be a resource of motivation and encouragement, but it can never make you whole. Your spouse cannot bring healing into your life nor renewed thinking into your mind. The road to healing must be seen as your own personal journey, one that you must walk on your own. You will never feel whole in the presence of your mate if you don't feel whole standing alone.

God's design for marriage is to bring two whole people together, giving them double the strength and double the resources to reach a lost and dying world. Now, mind you, I didn't say perfect—I said whole. We are not expected to reach perfection before marriage, because that would make for a whole lot of single people here on Earth. Yet though we can't be perfect, we can reach for healing and choose to take control of the things we can change in our lives. God grants wholeness to those who are willing.

So before you jump into a relationship with unrealistic expectations, consider where you are as a single man or woman. Are you already in a serious relationship or a marriage? It's possible that unrealistic expectations are still driving your behavior and crippling the power of that commitment. Consider how much you have allowed Jesus to bring security, purpose and healing into your life, here and now, as an individual. Rather than seeing a spouse as the missing piece to your puzzle, the road to marriage should be seen as two people figuring out the puzzle together.

Marriage is about finding a comrade, not ultimate contentment. It’s about finding a helpmate, not a healer. 

Debra K. Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She, her husband and their daughter live in Hershey, Pa. She is currently writing her first book on dating and finding true love. Visit her blog at: www.debslessonslearned.blogspot.com.

Paradox- Nothing Should Be This Easy...Right?

There is a reason so many people resist Christianity. It's because it's not something that you or I can contain in our feeble human minds because it is the only thing on this planet that is not contingent upon what you do or don't do. It's too easy. It's too easy to just believe and be saved, and receive forgiveness for ALL your sins (past, present, and future), be reconciled to God, and have the hope of eternal life without pain or suffering. Everything in our society today is built upon merit- whether or not you deserve something based on what you did or who you are. Christianity is not based upon who you are or what you've done, but COMPLETELY reliant on who God is and what HE has done for you. Some people feel they have done so many good things in their life that they don't think it's fair that those good works don't count for anything in Christianity, and that its equally available to all people, regardless of anything. Some feel that if there is nothing they can do to deserve it, than there must be a catch of some sort. But that's just not the case here. It is, however, a paradox. The difference in Christianity and every other religion in the world is that instead of being saved BY good works, we are saved UNTO good works. The reason behind why we are saved lies in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ- something we not only don't deserve, but also that we never could have done for ourselves. If we could do it on our own, why would we even need a higher being? Why would we have this yearning deep inside for something beyond this world? When we are saved, it transforms our hearts, minds, and perspectives on sin, grace and forgiveness.We come to a place where we don't need to do good works, but we want to in light of everything that has been given to us. In the Old Testament, God's people were required to make animal sacrifices for their sins, to mourn, wear sackcloth, and throw ashes. When the old covenant was broken and the new covenant was made in Jesus, all that went out the window. God does not want us to mourn, weep, or be shameful over our sin to the point of sorrow. That's why he sent his Son. Whether you are a Christian (which means you have accepted the free gift of forgiveness and salvation offered through Jesus Christ) or not (in which case all you have to do is accept the gift- it's that simple), HE ALREADY PAID FOR IT. Not that he doesn't want us to be sorry for our sin and turn from it, but he doesn't want us to waste our time wallowing in it when there is a lost and dying world out there waiting to hear about the love of God. When we spend excessive amounts of time weeping over our sins, begging for forgiveness, and telling God how sorry we are, it's like a child who has broken a window, his parents fix it for him without punishing him, but then the child continues to apologize for his wrongdoing, regardless of the fact that the parents are not mad. Now, that is a weak analogy I know, but the idea here is not that repentance, confession, and regret over sin is out of place, but that they shouldn't be on the forefront of a Christian's mind because those sins have already been wiped out by the blood of Christ. This is also not a license to sin. When you are truly saved and seeking God with all your heart, you will never use the grace of God as justification or an excuse to sin. In your heart, if you are in God's will, sin will be repulsive to you, and you won't want to participate in it because of how much it grieves the heart of the One who loves you more than you could ever know.
There are still some moments where I think I should "live a better life" or "do more good things" so that I don't have to feel so bad about this wonderful gift that has been given to me through God's Son. But that was not God's intention. He wants us to be grateful for the gift, and moved to action by the surpassing greatness of his grace...moved into action to reach others. That is the main reason we are here on this earth anyways. We're just supposed to BE- to bask in his love and let it encompass us, recognizing that we didn't earn or deserve it, to know that it was the most expensive gift ever, and to let the extravagance of that gift spur us on in our daily lives, as we strive to open others' eyes to the love and grace of God.

The Edge

I feel like I'm on edge of something...I'm not sure if it's the edge of something good or something bad, but in my heart I feel like I am on the brink of something big. I don't know how it's going to manifest itself, or if it's actually going to be something small and I won't even notice it, but I can sense some sort of change coming. And oh, how ready I am for change. I have been living my life totally wrong...not terrible or anything, just not up to par. I have all of these values in my heart and mind of how I want to live, and the kind of  person that I want to be, but lately I've been more of a robot than anything. I have been going through the motions but all the while disregarding my own personal needs and desires while I get through school and work and try to please others. Well, I'm about to collapse. I need change, and I need it fast.
I'm feeling emotionally and mentally energized, but at then also physically exhausted. It's kind of a strange feeling. I want to go climb a mountain, but at the same time I want to go sleep for days.
I want to live my life for God. At the end of the day, nothing else matters, and I know that now more than ever. I look around me and there are people everywhere living their lives without hope of any life after death or any hope at all really...they are just trying to get everything out of life that they can right now, and I have gotten caught up in that mindset for a while. I've had a pity party (or few) for myself recently, thinking about how I don't have that many close friends in this area, I am working so hard and don't have much savings to show for it, or whatever. I get jealous over stupid things, I compare myself to others, and I am impatient. Most people that know me would never know that I struggle with these things, because I put on a pretty good front. But then there are days when I stand in front of the mirror and literally ask myself, "who am I?" I do not like the person staring back at me and what I have become, and I am ready to do something about it. I don't have a plan or steps to go through, but all I know is that I want to find myself again. I want to be true to myself, and stop living my life to please others, or letting my happiness depend on what others do or don't do. Why have I been giving others power over how I feel emotionally? Why would I give the power over my happiness to someone else? Their opinion is nothing more than a conceptual idea and only has power over my emotions if I agree to it...I feel insecure because I have based my self worth on what my boyfriend and my friends happen to be thinking of me in a particular moment. That is SO unhealthy!!
I am loved. I am adored. My Father is pursuing me, but I have chosen to run the other direction because I've been thinking that I had my own ways of making myself happy. Well, I've come to realize that my ways always fall short. I am not happy. I am discontent. This is not who I want to be.

So, I'm not sure what I'm on the edge of, but I know I wanna jump. I am ready for this routine, this exhaustion, this whole going through the motions thing to be over. I want to be satisfied, happy, carefree, and secure in who I am. I have everything I need to get there, but instead I've chosen other routes that are more self-deprecating than anything. They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step. I guess I'm there. I'm taking that first step, over the edge, and I'm ready to free fall into the unknown. It's all about trust in the end anyways. What's the point in saying that I love God if I don't trust him with every aspect of my  life?
Sometimes I catch myself trying to make myself comfortable, to take away the things that scare me and get myself in a position where I don't have to worry about anything....

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through." -Francis Chan, Crazy Love