[ i am thankful ]

My family is crazy....every last one of them. But I wouldn't have them any other way :) Thanksgiving break was so good. At times, it was a little crazy and I didn't know what to do with myself, but for the most part, it was filled with fun, family, friends, good food, laughter, and plenty of love. Everytime I am around my family, I realize just how blessed I am. This morning in church, the pastor asked us each to think of one thing we were thankful for and write it down, and then we all spoke it out loud in a prayer of thanksgiving to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It was so beautiful to hear all the voices of my church family raised in praise and gratefulness to my Lord. When asked to think of something I was thankful for, the first thing I thought of was my family. Yes, sometimes they drive me crazy and I just wanna pull my hair out, but most of the time, I can't help but be grateful for how close each and every one of us is.

It wasn't the same this year not having my big brother at home to tease me and beat up on me, but I know he is doing well out in CA. We all missed him alot, and are trying to figure out a way to fly him home for Christmas, assuming he gets some time off. If not, we're definitely going to mail him some sort of package with some goodies from home. I can't imagine being away from my family on the holidays, and I know he gets lonely out there sometimes. But it just goes to show what a good man he is that on Thanksgiving he told us he was going to take some homeless people out for a nice dinner. What a witness. He is such a man of God, he inspires me.

Only a week and a half of classes, then finals, then home for Christmas :) I am so excited to see what God has in store for these next couple of months. As I look back on my life 2 years, or even 1 year ago, things were so different. But seeing all that I have been through, how I have grown and matured, and how those around me have grown and matured, I am more in love with my Jesus every day for his grace and goodness towards me. Why he chose to bless me the way he did, I'll never know, but all I know is I'm thankful for it!

AHHH! my best friend and roommate is engaged and I couldn't stop screaming when she told me!! Her relationship with her now fiance is so beautiful, and it shows me just what to look for in a relationship. I am soooo happy for her and I can't wait to see her tomorrow so we can talk about all the details! :) Life is so wonderful right now. Even though I am still sort of unsure about some things, I am not worried, anxious, or anything. I am trusting. God is in control and he knows best, and he'll show me his will when I'm ready to know it!

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise His holy name!

[nothing to do but pray]

I find myself today in a situation.
Not just any situation.
This is tough. Life-changing.
There are so many expectations placed on me,
And yet I have no idea how to meet any of them,
Much less all.
In fact, it is quite impossible to meet all of them at the same time.
Does anyone deserve a second chance?
What makes that a valid request?
Would I be a fool to give in?
Would I be a fool not to?
I hear voices of people all around me,
People who have been there,
And people who think they've been there.
I am so much more utterly confused than I have ever been.
And yet I still am at peace because I know its not in my hands.
Just pray.
Just give it up.
I am not in control.
Only HE knows where all this is headed.
So I should take HIS advice and no one else's.
I am at a crossroads.
I am at a loss.
But I can't wait to see what I am going to gain,
When I know not what to do but pray.
:)

Words are Never Enough

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed at how amazing my Jesus is, that I honestly don't have any words. I want to express it, whether in song, poetry, or just a prayer, but my heart is so much bursting with love and joy that I can't put it in a box of words. And it's not just this time in my life...yes, things in my life right now are incredible and couldn't be any better, but that is not the point. My life has always been this blessed. And when I look back on it, I realize just how blessed I was, just how much God had given me and how much he was always doing in my life, and I wish I hadn't failed to see it. I wish I hadn't failed to be grateful and to live my life in a way that glorifies Him daily. I am so full of anticipation right now about so many things, but it's not an impatient anticipation. I just can't wait to see what God has next!!

Colby made it safely to California, but still hasn't found a place to live...he did, however, start going to one of the churches out there that Katie worked at this summer in Clovis, and he said he likes it alot. I am glad that he can get plugged in out there and feel as if he belongs. I think he's really stressed about finding a place to live, and money is a huge issue...

Holy cow am I excited about this weekend!! Between Erick Baker, Four-wheeling, playing Wii, eating, talking, and all the wonderful company I'm going to have while doing all that...it's just gonna be amazing :) Sometimes I find myself wondering what I have done to deserve such a blessed life, but then I stop and realize that none of it comes as a result of anything I have done... every bit of it is because of God's great love! AND I just think it is so incredibly cool to look back on the things that have happened in my life and see how, even though I didn't always understand at the time, God orchestrated them all out perfectly to get me to where I am today. He has taught me so so so much, and I have grown a love for learning from his very heart. What a blessing and divine privilege ♥

Blessings

mmmm....what a great day :)
The fall leaves are absolutely breathtaking, and while I'm not a huge fan of cold weather, today was nice. Not too hot, not too cold. I got to see Colby this morning before he left for California...there's just something about your big brother going away for 6 months that just makes you want to cry, but I stayed strong ha. He's driving all the way out there, and plans to sleep in his truck in Wal-Mart parking lots until he gets there so he doesn't have to pay for a place to stay. Diesel fuel is going to be expensive enough...2,300 miles...yikes! I've just been praying all day for his safety and just that God would be his passenger :)

Well, this week is going well, but we just had fall break and I'm already ready for Thanksgiving! Man I think I'm just ready to be out in the real world lol. It'll be weird not having Colby home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I hope to send him a care package or something around the holidays.....and maybe, just maybe, go see him for SB 2010 :) we'll see about that though haha.

I am so pumped about this weeked because MCF is doing a tailgate (free BBQ) before the football game on saturday, and then I'm going home with K Wiggs to hang out with her and Caleb and then go to church with her on Sunday. I am just so thankful for her, she's amazing :)

and holy cow, can I just say that GOD IS SO GOOD!! No matter what I'm going through, whether storm, valley, or mountaintop, blessed be the name of the Lord. He has brought me through everything stronger than I was before-but not to me O Lord, but to You be the glory! For He is strong in my weakness. I am soooo amazed at how far he has brought me even in just the past 3 months. I am in such a place where I don't even want my will anymore--I just want what HE wants for me. I am so completely surrendered that I don't worry anymore about my future--how freeing is that!?!?! :) ahh He amazes me and I am so in love with HIM!!
I only pray that He would empty me of my selfish desires and fill me with His love and grace so that I might overflow into the lives of others...may I be so priveleged.