Lord teach me to not hold onto anger.
I read a quote today and it said "He who angers you conquers you." (Elizabeth Kenny). It really struck a cord with me because I have been angry about something for over a month now, which, if you know me, is a big deal. I usually talk things out, get them in the open, deal with them, and then move on. But sometimes I just get tired of being the bigger person, and sometimes I just want the "adult" in this situation who inflicted a lot of hurt and acted like a jerk to grow up, own up to his mistakes, and apologize. But let's be honest, that's never happened before, and I'm not sure why I expect it now. Because I am so used to dealing with my anger or hurt within a day or two, this has been eating away at me and I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. Underneath all this anger is a TON of hurt. Although I know I had a good reason to be angry, I still don't like the feeling. I am aching to address this and get it over with, but I guess some part of me is still hoping that one day I'll matter more than his pride...that it'll be me he chooses this time instead of just walking away when conflict arises.
I've never felt these feelings of abandonment and pain this strong before. And I'm tired of people taking up for him. He chose to walk away 6 years ago when I was still in high school, and to this day that's still his response whenever something doesn't go his way or things get hard. I'm not sure why I have hope, or why I've ever expected him to change. My own brother told me that I shouldn't be surprised by his actions and said "Hannah he's never stood up for anything or anyone in his life...why do you expect it now?" I guess I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt, even when they don't deserve it. Unfortunately it always ends up hurting me. I don't want to be angry anymore, but I'm not quite sure how to let it go.
How long do you give the other person to own up to their mistakes? I don't want to be one of those kids who doesn't ever speak to their dad again. I want him to start caring and act like a man who loves his children and grandchildren, instead of choosing his pride over us.
