Why is it that the things that should be so easy are sometimes the hardest? Simple, yet important decisions suddenly become life changing and complicated and you freeze up and can't even think straight. It's because change is terrifying. Or it can be, if that change propels you into the unknown and vulnerable side of life. But what if you're one of those people who only likes to make big decisions if you have a clear reason for doing it, and you don't have that clear reason [yet]? Do you run? Do you stall? Do you refuse to make a decision until you have a clear answer?
I prefer to just not think about it until I absolutely have to. I don't like not knowing the future, and the more I think about how much I don't know about the future, and the great possibility that it could be a while before I know anything, the more stressed out I get about it and I can't enjoy every day life. I'll admit that I overanalyze things sometimes, but that's just because I want to do things right, and not make huge decisions that I'll regret later in life. I want to follow the path God has for me, but that becomes difficult when you have no idea where God wants you. That's how I feel right now. I'm relatively content, but I'm also not sure that I'm supposed to continue in the way I'm going right now, or if I should make some pretty major changes...I don't even know what's best for me.
I think if I had it my way, I'd just sit here, rest my head back on the couch, close my eyes, and the decision I should make would scroll through my mind either in word or video form, leaving no room for confusion, interpretation errors, or question. That would make life so much simpler, and could prevent a lot of unnecessary pain.
God's timing and actions never seem to make sense until way on down the road.
I'm ready to be way on down the road. This stage isn't for me. Not at all.
