Sometimes I feel like it's all I ever do...wait. You'd think I'd be really good at it by now, but the truth is that I'm not. I can be an insanely impatient person sometimes. Currently I am waiting on my laundry to finish so I can fold it before I go to bed...(have I mentioned how much I hate doing my laundry at apartment complexes? I mean I don't even wanna think about the nasty stuff that's been in those washers. Not to mention they're always in the creepiest, sketchiest places ever...I think they plan that so girls will feel scared when going out to do their laundry late at night...I cannot wait to move to my new apartment in a month where I'll have my own washer and dryer!) Waiting on laundry doesn't necessarily bother me that much...it's all the other bigger, more serious things I'm waiting on that bother me more. Laundry is just the icing on the cake.
I know I'm supposed to be patient and trust that God is going to do his will in his time and that everything will eventually work out, because it always does, but it's not always that easy. I'm living in Johnson City, working full time at a restaurant for the summer until grad school starts in the fall, and trying to adjust to life on my own. Although it's nice to be out of the house an completely independent, I am still somewhat anxious about where Jake is going to end up. He's applied for jobs in VA, GA, NC, and of course TN, but at this point I just want him to get a job. Of course I want him to be in Johnson City, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Honestly I'm beyond tired of long distance, since that's basically all we've done for the past 2 years.
I also just got done waiting on a lot of things...grad school, an assistantship, an apartment, a roommate, a job...and God has come through on each and every one of those things. Now it's my job to trust in his faithfulness and not worry about the future. If I don't trust, it simply shows that I don't believe God is capable enough to do what is best for me, or prepare me for what he is going to do. God doesn't always do what we want him to do, but he always does what is best in his eyes. I found a quote recently that hit me really hard:
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." -Frank Crane
This applies to God, boys, friends, and family. We can torture ourselves by thinking of all the "what-if's" or the doubts that we may have instead of just trusting. Yes, it makes us vulnerable, but I think it's better to be vulnerable than to drive others away or not relying on God the way we should.
On a lighter note...being graduated from college feels pretty flippin awesome! Even though I have to go back to school, I'm SO glad to be done with that chapter of my life! :)
