You'll Spoil Your Dinner! [Learning not to let earthly pleasures spoil our appetite for God's will]

Last night, I laid awake in my bed, tossing and turning, until after 12:30 am. Considering the fact that I aim to be in bed anywhere from 9:30-10 pm, you can imagine my frustration. Anyways, the longer I laid there, the more frustrated I became because I felt tired, but still couldn't fall asleep, which is the most infuriating kind of sleeplessness. I thought, "I didn't have caffeine, I worked all day, I exercised, and then.....oh. That's it. I took a nap." I immediately regretted it as my body longed for rest that would not come when I wanted it most. But then again, at the time of the nap, that was all I could think about--how tired I was and how much I wanted to rest. (Which, by the way, makes me regret all those naps I didn't want to take when I was younger. Sorry Mom!---speaking of my Mom, I'll admit that on my way home from work yesterday, she and I talked and she specifically said "Don't nap for longer than 30 minutes because then you won't sleep tonight!" to which of course I thought to myself "No way, I'm so tired I could take a nap and sleep tonight." And again, Mothers are always right!)
So, as I'm laying in bed not sleeping, I began contemplating naps. They're kind of like having an afternoon snack. What's the main reason parents don't want their kids to eat a snack when they get home from school? Because they'll spoil their appetite of course. (Don't worry, this post is not about naps or afternoon snacks...well, not really). But at the time when the kid feels ravenous after being at school all day, all they want is a snack, and their first pick is usually not the healthiest thing on the menu. They usually go for something less healthy, although satisfying in the moment, that will  typically ruin their appetite for the delicious meal that has been prepared for them. The snack probably tastes like perfection on a plate (or in a bowl) while being consumed, but is fleeting and only takes up space in their bellies, causing them to get less true sustenance once the meal actually comes.

But isn't that what we do with God? We get impatient, we don't want to wait on His will for our lives. So we try to figure it out ourselves, or fall into something that is tempting and although may make us happy in the moment, does not meet the full potential of what He has planned for us. We think that it won't hurt anything, or that no one will know, or even worse, "Maybe this is actually God's will for my life!" just because we want it so bad. We are experts at convincing ourselves that the ice creams and the Little Debbie's that we crave so bad in the moment are actually the best that God has for us, so we settle. We're too focused on what that snack is going to taste like or how the nap is going to make us feel than we are on the benefits of waiting for a balanced meal or a good night's sleep. Sometimes, even though cookie cake might be our favorite thing in the whole wide world, it's not what we're meant to fill our bellies with-- and it will probably make us sick if we do!
I don't mean to be trivial and compare God's sovereign plan for our lives to food and sleep, but as humans, those are 2 basic needs we have to have met in order to survive. But if I had to choose, I'd much rather live a healthy, balanced life than to live off junk food and random naps. God has so much good in store for us, He says so Himself! But when we get so caught up in our momentary and transient wants that we lose sight of the lasting and truly fulfilling blessings God already has for us, we can miss out on so much! We jump ahead of God without waiting for an answer...about taking a job, going back to school, having kids, buying a car, being in a relationship, moving...anything really. We have a bad habit of wanting what we want, when we want it. And don't be fooled, I don't have my whole life or God's whole will figured out either just yet. One thing I do know, though, is that this world has much to offer, but whether we desire it and find our happiness in those things depends on where our focus lies- on ourselves and our negligible wants...or on Him and "the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." (Eph. 3:19)
Don't let earthly pleasures spoil your appetite for God's will for your life. Don't fill your belly with ice cream and Little Debbie's. God's got a 20 oz ribeye steak with a baked potato and grilled asparagus waiting for you. :)

I'm Glad I'm Not Married....Yet

So, I'll be honest. I thought I'd be married by now. And probably have a kid. But obviously, neither of those things have happened.
And yes, I am glad. One might say, "Hannah, you're going to be 27 in less than 3 weeks, why are you glad about that?? Don't you want to get married and have kids??" (I promise, I've managed to curb my sarcastic comments to small-minded people who say things like that to me, but that doesn't mean they don't happen in my head). Well, as strange and as abnormal as it may be for a woman in her, dare I say, late 20's to be okay with not being married in our culture and area, I am.

Here's why: I have watched SO many people hurt. TOO many. Both in my line of work as a therapist (which includes couples, parents, children, and entire families), and in my personal life as well, through the lives of friends and family...I've watched people hurt. By no means does watching all this hurt and confusion make me scared to get married, or explain why I'm not married. All of this stuff around me over the years, however, has provided me with a pretty detailed road map filled with detours, dead ends, exits, and both well-paved and pothole-filled roads to travel down as a person enters into this thing called marriage.
I'm not going to share all the lessons I've learned from watching others in their marriages- both successful and not...at least not in this blog post. I will say, though, that I'm thankful for those around me that I have learned from, who have opened up to to me, who have confided in me, and who have let me see and help with their pain, because I have learned more about marriage in the last 10 years of my life than I ever thought I would. When you're a marriage counselor, work with countless children who are victims of divorced parents, read books about marriage and divorce, and know people personally who have experienced countless issues within marriage, I guess that just kind of happens. And, I'm thankful for every bit of that knowledge and yes, even the way in which it was gained, even if that means some hurt on my own part.
I would like to think that all this knowledge and experience will have totally prepared me for marriage myself, (because, despite my sarcasm earlier, I do have a desire in my heart to be married and have a family of my own), but I'm not nearly naïve enough to actually believe that. Yes, it will help and I may be better prepared than some, but, marriage is different for every couple, and I have no idea yet what my marriage will be like, or, if I'll even get married. And yet, even if I don't, all is not lost because I can still use my knowledge to help others.

Okay so, one thing I will say, is STOP DEGRADING YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA. I know I'm not married, but seriously, the memes on Facebook, subtweets on Twitter, and now I'm starting to see Instagram posts with quotes on them that are OBVIOUSLY directed at people's spouses (and some are even bold enough to tag their spouses, which is beyond me). Anyways, if you have something to say about your significant other, if you're mad at them, frustrated because they're not helping you, listening to you, or giving you what you need, tell them. Tell THEM. Not everyone else but them. Quit expecting them to read into your subliminal messaging and come apologize. Go to them, tell them what you're feeling, and then work on it together. Not long ago I had a couple in my office doing marriage counseling, and I asked them when the last time was that they sat down together and had a conversation without the TV on, the kids in the room, or *gasp* without checking their phones. Radical, isn't it? Yeah, well, they literally could not tell me of a time, ever, when they had done that. And they were wondering why neither of them felt heard. (Okay, I realize I'm on a soap box, I'm coming down shortly). Maybe as a therapist I'm spoiled by all the direct, one-on- one conversations I get to have on a daily basis and it's now the norm in my life, but shouldn't that actually be the norm? Anyways, I'm done ranting. Seriously, just go talk to your spouse. Just do it. Life's too short to post your feelings on social media looking for sympathy when your partner is right there. Also (sorry, I promise I'm done after this), it's disrespectful. Your issues with your partner do not need to be aired on social media...just imagine if you were on the other side of it. That's humiliating. For you and them. Ok, really done now.

Life is full of good things. It's also full of crappy things sometimes that affect marriage, like lies, deceit, unfaithfulness, pornography, disappointment, people changing seemingly overnight, and fear. I wish I had the answers for all these things, but I don't. I hopefully have gained some good tools to help me deal with them if they ever happen to me (some again), but only time will tell. And some marriages are really great, and I'm equally blessed to learn from those too. I am so incredibly grateful that I have learned all that I have so far, and that all the things I've experienced has led to the exact place I am right now in my life. 
So yes, I'm glad I'm not married. Yet. Because if I had been, I would've missed out on many of the things I've learned and likely would've been settling. That's what I mean by saying I'm glad I'm not married yet. I legitimately am happy with the way things are in my life right now, that I've learned so much, am still learning, and still have so much to learn....that I never settled or sold myself short, and that I know God's plan for my future is amazing whether I'm 28 or 48 when I get married. IF I get married. God is good, all the time. I"m so thankful that He has given me the grace to be able to accept where I am and trust Him no matter what I may feel. Not being married right now doesn't mean I've done something wrong or that I missed God's will for my life (and hopefully any unmarried woman reading this hears that). It means I'm right where He wants me, and there's no better place to be, than in the will and the arms of the One who made you, and who places value on you, married or not, because you are His.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!" -Isaiah 43:1b

When People Leave

I have never had to say goodbye to so many people in such a short period of time, and it is absolutely no fun at all. Some of my clients are cool with the transition and can open up to just about anyone, whereas others have literally been heartbroken and in near-despair upon hearing that I’m leaving because for some, I’m the first human being who has listened to them without judgment or breaking their trust. I have noticed a pattern with many clients, and really, with so many humans in general recently: so many people feel hopelessness and sadness over the fact that “people always leave.” I’ve tried my best to encourage my clients to not view our separation as an illustration of this, but rather as an exception in their life of someone who cared for them and although they “left,” it wasn’t a statement about their value or how much they were cared for. But one thing I’ve realized is that in reality, people do leave. Whether they mean to or not, or whether they want to or not, hundreds of people come in and out of our lives throughout the course of it, much like the waves in the ocean, leaving their mark, and some never returning. But that’s life. It doesn’t have to be sad or depressing, because not everyone leaves. Many do, yes, but that doesn’t have to be “the story of my life,” as many say. I’ve met friends, teachers, leaders, bosses, coworkers, colleagues, strangers, and even family members that maybe at one point were a very big and important part of my life, and now they are just acquaintances. However, from each of them I have learned and grown, even if from some of them I’ve just learned how not to treat others. I am thankful for each and every person who has come into my life, whether they have chosen to stay or leave, because for each there was a purpose and reason, and if I choose, I can learn from each of them instead of resisting connections because “one day they might leave.”

Sometimes, we learn the most valuable lessons in our lives from children, or at least people who we wouldn’t expect to. Today one of my clients told me about how despite the actions of her family and how she has been lied to and manipulated by some of them, she has decided to not let their actions determine her value. She’s only 11. I wish so badly I had been that mature at that age and had learned earlier in my life to not let others’ decisions about how they treat me, whether they keep promises, ignore me, or decide to have me in their life or not affect the way I view myself or my value. It took me many years to get to that point, and sometimes I still struggle with it, but now that I have the awareness it’s a bit easier to identify when it starts to happen. (This particular client also told me a lesson she had learned recently from her family was "stay with that baby daddy, or at least make sure you like him!" so I guess her life lessons are extremely unpredictable, yet helpful haha).

This post wouldn’t be complete without lyrics and life lessons from Eric Church, so at the risk of being cheesy, here goes:

“And I hope they know I never would've made it this far on my own
'Cause where would we all be without those
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
The friends I've made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn't be who I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way”

-Eric Church, Those I’ve Loved

Your value isn’t based on how others treat you or view you, nor on whether people decide to be in your life or not. Your value comes from the One who made you, who knit you together in your mother’s womb, and who never leaves or forsakes you. Even if you are struggling with the pain of a recent loss or separation from someone, it doesn’t have to be your “life story.” We were created for more. And because of Whose we are, we are valuable, and even when humans leave us, He never will.

Grace is Hard

Why is grace so hard for us? Hard to accept, hard to give. We want others to give it to us, but we can't give it as easily as we want it to be given to us. And then sometimes, when it is given, it's hard for us to accept because we don't feel like we deserve it. But that's the beauty of grace- without the undeserving recipient, it wouldn't be grace. Grace defined is undeserved goodness. And in a world built on merit and self-sufficiency, it's no wonder we fight it.

One thing I have been struck by and have been deep in thought and prayer about over the last couple of months is forgiveness and its link to grace. It is no coincidence, I believe, that my devotion this morning was about bitterness and how God, our Jehovah-Rapha, our Healer-God, leads us through our bitterness and into mercy if we draw near to Him and let Him heal us. Because what do unforgiveness and withholding grace bring but bitterness? And how beautiful is the heart of the One who sets us free from both of those things by His striking actions of grace and mercy during His time on earth and in His continued love and abounding forgiveness towards us now!

I think sometimes, and really more often than not, we can't expect grace from other humans unless we can give it first. Until we have been deeply wounded by someone and then must decide (even if they aren't remorseful) to pick up the pieces, swallow our pride and pain, and forgive, we won't be able to appreciate grace when it is given to us when we are the offender. There is something so incredibly peaceful about laying your hurts at the feet of Jesus and giving it over to Him, trusting that "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalm 147:3.

I could write a book about how unforgiveness is like heavy chains, pulling you down into an abyss of anger, pain, and bitterness that truly and honestly hurts no one but you. In my moments of weakness and resistance to forgive, I think about where I would be if that's how Jesus looked at me. If He didn't have a heart of love and mercy, and on top of that if His mercies weren't new every single morning...I would have nothing to stand on. Nothing I have done or can do could ever earn me the kind of grace I've been granted in Him. And when I ponder that, grace from others seems irrelevant. It would be nice, sure, but we're all humans. We are all imperfect and sometimes struggle with grace when we are hurt. But I am thankful for a God who transcends that and who loves us past and through our failures and unfaithfulness.

Dave Barnes said it best in his song How Long when he said "Forgiveness is a heavy promise, it's a language that's so hard to speak."

But let's do it. Let's learn to forgive, and offer grace, even if it isn't offered to us. Because really, it was offered to us, by the One who gave up everything for our sinful souls. That is grace. Let's let that be our motivation to give grace to others, not their willingness to ask for it. I've seen what choosing to forgive can do...and it is indeed a beautiful thing. And I have peace beyond comprehension, because when I give grace, I am showing the love of Jesus, and after all, isn't that why we're here?

Wait for the Cookie Cake

Sometimes I feel like a little kid. (Okay, more often than sometimes, because I get way too excited about little things like sunshine, an unexpected free hour, Sonic happy hour, sweet morning texts, and a chance to eat Mexican food, but hey, those are the things that life is all about, right??) But the times I'm talking about specifically are the ones in which you see a little kid finally get something they've been wanting for a long, long time, and it's WAY better than they ever thought it would be.

Today, I'm that kid. For so long, I've been told to wait. By family members, by friends, by coworkers, and mainly by God. I HATE waiting. Mainly because I'm terrible at it (but, admittedly, have gotten better at it over the years since I've done it so much), but also because, let's be honest, it is NO FUN. Well, it's no fun when you're doing it, but when you get the thing you've been waiting for, it is SO worth it.

Recently, God blew my expectations out of the water. I was the kid, patiently (for the most part) and expectantly waiting for a small, measly Chips A-Hoy cookie from the cookie jar on the counter. I wasn't quite tall enough to reach it and I would just stand there and beg for it, much like a pathetic puppy. What God started to teach me during this season of waiting was that instead of begging and being that kid that says "I'll do the dishes for a whole week and mop the floors if I can just have one cookie right now!", God wanted me to CHILL OUT. He wanted me to sit back, rest, and lay at the Master's feet in peace until the time was right. And oh, how I fought this. I would eagerly jump up and wag my tail and salivate every time God would make the slightest move, automatically assuming this was it, this was the time I was going to get my cookie. And every time I was dead wrong. What a disappointing feeling. You can just see the look on the puppy's face when his master walks right by the treat jar and into the laundry room or bedroom instead. (I obviously still can't decide if I'm the puppy or the kid at this point. But for the end of the analogy, let's say I'm the kid).

Then, the day comes. The small child that has been standing at the edge of the counter, with his chin and fingers on the edge of it so he is eye-level with the cookie jar, gets a surprise from a place that is not the cookie jar at all. Because in from the garage walks dad. The child turns around and takes his eyes off the cookie jar, not expecting this to be THE time. Dad is holding a big, red, thin box. He sits it down on the counter and opens the lid. The child stands on his tippy-toes in order to see over the edge of the box. And what does he see other than the biggest, most delicious looking, icing-topped, cookie cake? He takes in a sharp breath, takes a step back, covers his mouth and looks up at his father with wide-eyed amazement and unbelief...points to his chest and whispers, "For ME?", while still half-expecting dad to say, "Not yet," or "No," or, "Just wait."

Then, the dad simply places his hand on the top of the child's head, smiles, and nods. "Yes, my child. This is for you. I told you the wait would be worth it." And then, in complete and utter delight, watches his child dig in and savor the most unexpected and wonderful fulfillment of a promise he's ever experienced.
Isn't our God so good? He longs to bless us, and He does, and we must only wait and be faithful in the little things. And then, when he blesses us, it's hard to tell who is more delighted, for our God loves to see us enjoy the blessings he has prepared for us.
"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are those who long for Him." -Isaiah 30:18