My Worst Fear

I have always been afraid of certain things...spiders, sketchy old men in dark parking lots, staying the night home alone...you know, normal things. But my worst fear in the entire world was always that those I love, my friends, family, and or significant other would just stop loving me one day. I watched my dad walk out on my mom after almost 30 years of marriage and still to this day cannot fathom what makes you just stop loving someone, just like that. Ever since then, it has been a fear of mine that someone I loved would just walk out on me for seemingly no reason at all. As of about 3 months ago, I was in a very significant relationship with a guy for almost 2 whole years, the man I thought was the love of my life that I was going to marry. He always assured me that he wanted to be with me and that he wasn't my father and that our love was different. And I made the mistake of believing it.

Tonight I found one of my old journals from over a year ago, where I was expressing my fears to the Lord and I said (referring to the guy I was dating): "What if I choose to love him for all the right reasons, and then he chooses to walk away? I'm so afraid. I'm so scared of not being loved."

That was over a year ago. About 11 months later, he walked away. Just like that.

But here I am today, alive and well. I realize now that I was forced to face my worst fear head on, and I survived. But by the grace of God. He taught me that it was HIS love all along that was sustaining me. HIS love is all I need. HIS love is unconditional and everlasting. No human can give that to you, and you'd be a fool to think they can. I learned the hard way. Now I know, with the power of the Lord God Almighty, I can face anything and everything with Him by my side. For His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.