When People Leave

I have never had to say goodbye to so many people in such a short period of time, and it is absolutely no fun at all. Some of my clients are cool with the transition and can open up to just about anyone, whereas others have literally been heartbroken and in near-despair upon hearing that I’m leaving because for some, I’m the first human being who has listened to them without judgment or breaking their trust. I have noticed a pattern with many clients, and really, with so many humans in general recently: so many people feel hopelessness and sadness over the fact that “people always leave.” I’ve tried my best to encourage my clients to not view our separation as an illustration of this, but rather as an exception in their life of someone who cared for them and although they “left,” it wasn’t a statement about their value or how much they were cared for. But one thing I’ve realized is that in reality, people do leave. Whether they mean to or not, or whether they want to or not, hundreds of people come in and out of our lives throughout the course of it, much like the waves in the ocean, leaving their mark, and some never returning. But that’s life. It doesn’t have to be sad or depressing, because not everyone leaves. Many do, yes, but that doesn’t have to be “the story of my life,” as many say. I’ve met friends, teachers, leaders, bosses, coworkers, colleagues, strangers, and even family members that maybe at one point were a very big and important part of my life, and now they are just acquaintances. However, from each of them I have learned and grown, even if from some of them I’ve just learned how not to treat others. I am thankful for each and every person who has come into my life, whether they have chosen to stay or leave, because for each there was a purpose and reason, and if I choose, I can learn from each of them instead of resisting connections because “one day they might leave.”

Sometimes, we learn the most valuable lessons in our lives from children, or at least people who we wouldn’t expect to. Today one of my clients told me about how despite the actions of her family and how she has been lied to and manipulated by some of them, she has decided to not let their actions determine her value. She’s only 11. I wish so badly I had been that mature at that age and had learned earlier in my life to not let others’ decisions about how they treat me, whether they keep promises, ignore me, or decide to have me in their life or not affect the way I view myself or my value. It took me many years to get to that point, and sometimes I still struggle with it, but now that I have the awareness it’s a bit easier to identify when it starts to happen. (This particular client also told me a lesson she had learned recently from her family was "stay with that baby daddy, or at least make sure you like him!" so I guess her life lessons are extremely unpredictable, yet helpful haha).

This post wouldn’t be complete without lyrics and life lessons from Eric Church, so at the risk of being cheesy, here goes:

“And I hope they know I never would've made it this far on my own
'Cause where would we all be without those
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
The friends I've made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn't be who I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way”

-Eric Church, Those I’ve Loved

Your value isn’t based on how others treat you or view you, nor on whether people decide to be in your life or not. Your value comes from the One who made you, who knit you together in your mother’s womb, and who never leaves or forsakes you. Even if you are struggling with the pain of a recent loss or separation from someone, it doesn’t have to be your “life story.” We were created for more. And because of Whose we are, we are valuable, and even when humans leave us, He never will.