Freedom

Can I just go ahead and talk about how amazing my God is?! He truly goes above and beyond what I ask, every time. He knows exactly what I need, and doesn't just give me that, but also gives me things that I want as well, even without me asking. The past few months have been a difficult time for our family, and there's been drama and anger and feelings of hurt and lots of other things going on. For a while I just wanted to tap out and say that I was finished with it all. My dad wasn't speaking to any of us, my mom blamed everything on him, all I heard was negative things about my dad, and I honestly wouldn't have minded if God had called me overseas to do missions. After 2 months of my dad not speaking to us, my sister Holly and I decided enough was enough and we called him up and said we were coming for a visit. Long story short, we went to his house and got everything out into the open. We didn't mince words, sugarcoat anything, or hold back our tears or anger. I think it was good for my dad to see us so emotional, and to see that we still need him as a father, and he actually got emotional as well. Of course we all don't see eye to eye on everything, but in the end it was a great conversation, there were apologies from both sides, and we talked about where to go from here.

Needless to say, I was pretty happy and glad that God had blessed our request...then I got a text from my mom on my way back home (to my home in Johnson City). She then called me and talked to me for an hour. I cried, felt helpless, and was angry in the face of lies, deceit, and lots of other misunderstandings that were just plain confusing. I told her I was done with the whole situation. I can't make my parents get along, and honestly it's not my responsibility. The next morning, I wrote her a letter and was very sweet, just saying the truth...that I love her and I'm praying for her and also for this situation to be resolved soon, but I can no longer talk about dad or the situation with her anymore, for the sake of my health and sanity. We never make any progress anyways, and I always end up feeling upset and guilty. I struggled at first, because I thought she would get mad at me and not understand, and then I also felt guilty because I know sometimes she gets lonely and needs someone to talk to, but in the end I realized that sometimes a person needs to do what is best for them, especially if they are being damaged by a situation (as I was/am). I've always been a people-pleaser, and I've got to learn to let that go.

Well, as usual, God blew me out of the water. When I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday (the day I sent the email) she was nice, sweet, and her usual happy self. She didn't bring any issues up, and we just had a normal conversation. It was wonderful!! This may sound silly, and it's not as if anything ground-breaking happened (at least not in the eyes of most people) but I think this might be a small step of progress that our family has needed for a really long time. I finally realized that I don't have to control things, and that God is in control of everything. Also, I have freedom in Jesus Christ, and no situation, person, thought or emotion can control me unless I let it. What an amazing thought. I am so ready to get on with my life, not take part in the family drama, and just be happy and free of worry :)